Time, you thief, who let you in?
"Hurry up", I constantly plead with my pre-school daughter, "we'll be late/the shops will close" (why do I only go supermarket shopping at 3pm on a Sunday? When will I get my act together to shop online at 5 am?). I suddenly get serious; "You don't want to make Mummy/Daddy/Granny/Nannie late, do you?"
And on she goes, at her own steady pace, meticulously completing her task/skilfully being cute at teeth-brushing time. I feel the centrifugal force tempting me to slow down with her, but I can't, otherwise the fine China plates I'm juggling of Mother/Daughter,/Employee/Friend/Girlfriend (in that order, sadly) will fall, but my own crash will be louder.
I diarise downtime; I know it's that essential. I love spending the morning with my little girl, in our PJs, making arts and crafts (who doesn't?!), but it doesn't happen as often as I'd like.
And I have no idea how I got this busy, or this feeling of perpetual lateness; the rabbit and the pocket-watch of Alice's world are suddenly a reality.
Yes, I know my daughter is only a pre-schooler and pre-disposed to certain ways and methods, usually of the I'm learning-give-me-time variety, and I know this time is precious; I don't want her to inherit my anxiety, for example. I must have been late for things pre-motherhood:I studied part-time, whilst working full-time, and enjoyed a 4 nights-a-week social life.
But recently time has stolen my hours/days/weeks.
You know that special kind of exhaustion, which manifests itself in itchy-twitchy eyes, and a spot of nausea? Happened to me during the first six weeks of motherhood, and the first term of teaching again after a long hiatus from Ofsted: paperwork aside, the sheer act of interacting with 50+ people in a day is mind-shattering enough for a natural introvert.
But I miss those days of reading a new book, and watching a new film, around about the time they were out, not 8 years later.
So that's why I've decided to work like a Mum/Employee/Girlfriend/Friend running for the last bus home over the next 3 days (likely to mean 2 am endings coming up to complete the marking) and then I'm going to wax my legs, fill-to-bursting with luxury minis my favourite (and large) wash bag (Kipling Palm Beach; a pocket for everything AND a mirror) and then pack my planner, favourite fountain pen and business cards for a Friday night hotel reflective-stay-and-pamper in London before the Mumsnet #Blogfest15 on Saturday.
Or, I'll scoff a packet of biscuits and chill with Netflix in the middle of a double-duvet. That I won't have to wash.
I'm already looking forward to the recharge that will hopefully mean some much-needed slower-paced Mother-Daughter time; what are you looking forward to about the weekend?